Going Back to Work After Children

I had a very interesting e-mail exchange recently regarding a return to work interview and absenteeism:

Hello,

I have been following your blog for some time. I am returning to the work force after having taken time off to have children. Due to the extenuating circumstance of having followed my husband back and forth across the continental USA to further his career goals, I have been "unemployed" for almost 7 years. Now that we have made a commitment to settle down in the Chicago area, I have started in earnest to find a job. This is why your blog is so very attractive, and I am grateful for every bit of advice. As far as I am concerned, I am starting from the beginning.

Since my search began, I have interviewed with three companies. Two of these interviews were completely inappropriate. In addition, I have spoken to half a dozen recruiters. I have been asked questions such as:

"Why do you want to return to work now?" -- emphasis on the word "want"

"You said you took a break from work to have children. Are you okay with working a full time position, forty hours a week?"

These questions are very tough to answer in a way that remains professional but flatly states that my personal life is nothing they need to be concerned about. For example, I *want* to return to work for the same reason a man would: to earn enough money to send my children to college. I think that a better phrasing of this question would be, "Why are you returning to the IT field after 7 years' absence?"

Of course, I cannot control how another person phrases a question in an interview, though I have tried rephrasing their question and then answering that question, I always feel offended. No matter how hard I try to be gracious, the interview becomes awkward and seems unrecoverable. Things rapidly deteriorate, and the interview is basically over.

I have consulted many people on this issue and have gotten two answers: first that there is nothing wrong with it; second that it borders on discriminatory. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this situation?

Thank you,
Erin

You certainly have a tough one on your hands Erin. What is inappropriate and uncomfortable is your decision and your decision alone. If you feel that a hiring manager suggests something that you are uncomfortable with then I doubt you would enjoy working for him or her. However, I think the key to resolving this issue is keeping in mind that you don't have to decide on anything during the interview itself. My advice is to indeed be as positive as possible and then carefully decide in due time after the interview whether the interviewer has suggested something inappropriate.

Keep in mind that interviewing is often difficult for the interviewer as well. I would imagine that the hiring manager is looking for someone that can get the job done. Try not to concentrate so much on their poor wording--what they really want to know is that you are hard-working, diligent, professional, and most importantly that they can make a return on their investment for training you. So when an interviewer asks such questions emphasize any characteristics that show you can be relied upon in the workplace to get things done (even if it is getting your son to his soccer practice everyday on-time without fail).

Let's translate the real meaning behind the questions you were asked:

Question: "You said you took a break from work to have children. Are you okay with working a full-time position, fourty hours a week?"
Real Question: "Are you going to provide a return on our investment of hiring you?"

Question: "Why do you want to return to work now?"
Real Question: "Are you serious about the position? Can we be confident that you won't leave us in the coming months?"

Later--at your convenience--you can think about the interview as a whole and decide whether the interviewer was too forward in asking about your personal life. Remember that interviewing is a two-way activity; you are certainly evaluating them as well. Don't be afraid to ask at the end of the interview if they are a family-friendly employer. For instance, some employers reimburse a portion of daily child care.

Also, be sure to emphasize that many skills are unaffected or even enhanced during pregnancy/child bearing such as strong communication and interpersonal skills.

Best of luck Erin.